I woke up in a room in which the walls were made entirely of small cabinets. There was a bed with a midget sleeping in it in one corner and a man wearing a giant light bulb over his head in another corner. The first thing I did was cast my level 5 "wake up a midget" spell. When the midget was awake I realized the bed was actually a massage table. Then I opened all of the small cabinets to find out if they lead to other rooms. I made the midget, who informed me his name was Dildo-Sponge, Moist Dildo-Sponge, crawl through the cabinets to each and every room and report back to me his findings. While Dildo-Sponge was gone I walked up to the man with the light bulb on his head and tried to interact with him, but all he would say was "LOOK AT ME! I'M A LAMP!" and "MY FUCKING HEAD IS BURNnnnnnning!" After a while Dildo-Sponge returned from his adventure to tell me that all the rooms except one were just giant steel ovens. The other one contained a really angry four sided figure that can't speak and kills people with repetitive motion. Also known as a Voiceless Quadrangular Fricative. Dildo-Sponge realized he was actually killed by the Voiceless Quadrangular Fricative and was a ghost. I thought maybe the light bulb man was the key to stopping the VQF. Unfortunately before I could try to use him he was killed by the repetitive motion of having his head smashed against a cabinet handle.

At this point, the Invisible Tsar railed with fury from atop his giant tortoise.


Clubs